3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
