i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
