very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
