try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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