I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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