my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
