also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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