She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
