Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
