You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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