I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
