As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
