You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
