i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
