She is in my trunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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