i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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