I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
