I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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