I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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