Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
