she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My penis needs a shock collar
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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