How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
