My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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