Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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