You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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