I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
