I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
