Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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