If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
