I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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