My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
