He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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