it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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