remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
