I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
