my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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