she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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