just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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