I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
