I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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