I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I supernannyed him into submission
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
