he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
