I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
