Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
