Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
