Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
