I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
