I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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