we're blogging at a bar
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
