If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Michael Bay diarrhea
what day is it and did you see me today?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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