Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
