At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
