it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
