oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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