I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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