What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
