I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
