Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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