i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
