He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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