It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
