I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
